Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
