Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
