I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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