I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
