Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
