okay pat passed out under dana's car
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
