hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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