Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
