I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
