I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
