we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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