I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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