apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Randomize
