Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
