WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
