that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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