I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
