I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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