Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
