I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
