So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
