I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
