Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
