her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
