There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
