Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
