"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
