Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
