Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
