I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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