8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
