Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
