Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
