dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
