I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
