remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
