One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
