im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I came so hard my ears popped.
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