Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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