she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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