i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So much Jack, so little girl.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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