just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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