only if we run a train.
done.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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