it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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