I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
