Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
