garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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