i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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