You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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