i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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