Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
