Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize