I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
