apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
